Happy Birthday
by Her Girl Friday
Summary: Jounouchi attempts to surprise Kaiba on his birthday, with disastrous results. Birthdayfic for everyone's favorite asocial CEO.


**Happy Birthday**

**By Hush Puppie/Puppie Love/Whoever I Am**

**Warnings**: JouKai (established), some bad language, angst, fluff, short, um…is that all?

**Summary**: A surprise for Kaiba on his birthday goes awry. Jounouchi attempts to console him.

They ride home in the back of Kaiba's limousine, in almost complete silence. Every few minutes, Jounouchi says quietly, "Seto?" but the sound of the blond's voice goes totally ignored by the CEO, who is staring blankly out the window.

Finally Jounouchi reaches out to touch Kaiba's shoulder, making the brunet jump a little.

"Seto? Are you okay?"

"Do I _look _okay?" is the snarled response.

Jounouchi blinks. "You look like you usually do."

Kaiba doesn't say anything else. He just returns his gaze to the scenery flying by in the window.

"Hey, don't be like that. I'm sorry this didn't work out, I had it all planned out and—"

"Didn't work out?" For a split second, Jounouchi thinks there's a plaintive note in Kaiba's hardened voice, but he dismisses it as his imagination overreacting. _"Didn't work out? _Jounouchi Katsuya, you made a complete fool of me. All of Domino will be laughing by tomorrow morning!"

"I didn't mean to…"

"Didn't mean to my ass. I bet you did. Is this your idea of a funny joke or did you just want to get back at me for that remark about Yuugi?"

"No, it's nothing like that. I just…"

"Just what?" Kaiba snaps, seething. His voice is thick with wrath, not hard and steady any more.

"Just wanted to do something nice for your birthday! I thought you'd like it!"

"I didn't like it! And I _wouldn't_ have liked it even if it had worked—if it was even supposed to work, that is."

Jounouchi's sympathy is beginning to wane. Still, he tries to repress his annoyance as he says, "Seto, will you quit bein' so cynical and just listen? I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"I wish you wouldn't even try. If this catastrophe was your idea of a birthday present, I shudder to think what your idea of 'making it up' to me is. How are you going to humiliate me next time? Strip me naked before you shove my face in the cake?"

Jounouchi chuckles and reaches his arm around Kaiba's waist. "Mm. How about I skip shoving your face in the cake and just strip you naked?" He moves in for a kiss, unbuttoning Kaiba's shirt as he does so, but before Jounouchi's lips can touch Kaiba's, there's a knee in the blond duelist's crotch.

"Aaaaah," Jounouchi gasps, wincing.

"You deserved that," Kaiba sneers, redoing his buttons.

"Aaaaah."

Kaiba sighs disdainfully and turns his back to Jounouchi once again. It's starting to rain and the droplets are slowly rolling down the window.

"You can't stay angry forever," Jounouchi says, voice straining against the pain.

"Watch me," Kaiba says with a devious tone that makes Jounouchi genuinely scared for a few seconds. Kaiba's a formidable opponent, whether the game is Duel Monsters or revenge.

"Hey…Seto?"

"What is _now,_ Katsuya?" Kaiba says, before adding, "If you're just going to apologize again, I highly suggest you save your breath. I'm not interested in any more lame excuses."

"They're not excuses, you jerk! I'm really, really sorry and I swear I didn't mean to make you feel bad in front of everybody. Really." Jounouchi offers his best smile, the one not even Kaiba can resist. The one that always makes everyone love him again whenever he screws up.

Kaiba isn't even looking at him. "Hmmph."

"Oh, c'mon. Do you hafta be so stubborn? Can't you just forgive a guy for once in your life?"

"When a guy gives me a box that's supposed to be a birthday gift and a fake snake jumps out at me, hires a comedian to make fun of me, throws scalding hot soup in my lap and shoves my face in a cake in front of at least a dozen journalists, all of whom immediately commence taking pictures? _No."_

Jounouchi writhes. Okay, it does _sound_ pretty bad, he admits inwardly. But he is determined to give Kaiba a happy birthday, no matter what it takes. And the night is still young. "Hey! I thought you'd think the comedian and the snake were funny, I swear I didn't mean to throw any hot stuff in your lap and I didn't shove your face in the cake. The waiter did. And I'm sure he didn't mean it either."

Kaiba turns to glare daggers at his possibly soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend. _At least now he's looking at me, _Jounouchi thinks.

"And I suppose a bunch of journalists showed up at the scene on accident? I suppose that was all just a coincidence?"

Jounouchi shakes his head. "No, I invited them. I thought…I thought you being happy and acting normal and having a birthday like everybody else…I thought it'd, you know, be a nice photo op or something. I know how much you like those." Jounouchi swallows, looking at his lap and fiddling with his thumbs before looking back up. Kaiba is staring at him thoughtfully. Not glaring any longer, for which Jounouchi is grateful – just staring.

Finally Kaiba speaks. "That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard."

Jounouchi grins sheepishly. "Does that mean you're not still mad?"

"No. Just in awe of your utter stupidity."

Jounouchi risks another knee in his crotch to snuggle against Kaiba. "I'll take what I can get," he says, placing a hand on the businessman's knee. Kaiba stiffens but doesn't attempt to remove the hand.

The hand gently squeezes its resting place. "Happy birthday, Kaiba Seto." Before Kaiba can protest that there's not one damn thing happy about it, Jounouchi leans forward to lick some frosting off Kaiba's ear. Kaiba wonders how he ever missed it cleaning up, and if there are other places he missed he doesn't realize.

Kaiba doesn't have time to meditate on it too long; soon he's being pulled into a firm, warm hug that will make a nice place to hide, he decides, until this entire fiasco blows over. Kaiba smiles slightly to himself, making Jounouchi smile too.

When this whole thing does blow over, if that ever happens, Jounouchi Katsuya is going to pay. Big time.

Kaiba's smile widens considerably.


End file.
